A quick note to say, thank y’all so much for your patience while I dealt with a death in the family. I’ll have a smidge more about that in my next Friday Flowers.
With that out of the way, it felt extremely good to go for a walk with Ada Calhoun—and it’s clear that many of you enjoyed the walk, too (thanks so much for all the kind notes!).
During our conversation, Calhoun said, “Everybody has a year that the city was good, and then the city was never good again after that. Usually, that time is when said person was 19 or in their early 20s.” Which got me thinking, when—and where—would you say your best times were? Do you have beloved memories of adventuring in your youth? Or maybe you’re happy where your life is now. Maybe (hopefully?) both! But lay it on us in the comments below.
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I've never had any period in my life that felt idyllic. But I have had experiences that I'd never trade, even though they had their difficult moments. The big wilderness trips I took as a teenager-- hiking the AT, canoeing on the Shenandoah and New Rivers. The semester I spent abroad in Kenya, and all of the side trips I did there. My twenties in the mid-90s in Seattle. But I have to say, I'm very fond of now. Not because my life is trouble-free, but because I feel like it finally is one I chose genuinely and not one I'm living in response to other people's needs or ideas of who I am.
I spent a semester in Manhattan in spring 2002, and I have to say, it was the perfect place for me to be at that point in my life. In retrospect I can see that I was a bit of an idiot at times, but aren't all 20 year olds? Still, I had so much freedom, I walked everywhere, mastered the subway, saw tons of museums, ate great food, made good friends.
But honestly, I'm pretty happy with my life right now too, at 43. I'm not as thin, bit more cautious. I have more money and a bit less free time. I have a wonderful husband, a fantastic dog, awesome friends, a house in the suburbs and a solid job. This is good too, for who I am now.
My late 20s in 2010-11, living in Brooklyn, seeing live music more nights than not, working in book publishing, etc. SO true that whenever I start thinking "I miss New York City," I realize it's only partly the location & at least 50% about missing that chapter of my life!
My favorite time was raising my babies to responsible adults, but the nursing times and first tooth, the first step or smile. I have 7 grandchildren but I’m still suffering empty nest from my 3 children growing up and leaving for college.
I've had so many "best" times of my life it's difficult to choose, but I'd say the top three are:
3) My first couple of years living abroad in Oxford, England studying my A-Levels as a Thai government scholar. I was full of ignorance and optimism, and life was just perfect in the eyes of 18-year-old me.
2) My carefree childhood where my only concerns in life were what movie to watch with dad next from his vast DVD collection and how to hide from mom the fact that I'd been cheating for my English practice by copying the answers from the back of exercise books rather than doing them.
1) Now. I love love love my life now. Dream partner. Dream job. Dream life. I couldn't have imagined any of this six years ago. The only part of it I don't wish for is my dad's terminal cancer. But even there I'm grateful to still have him after three years and see him at peace with his condition.
First: I'm so sorry about the loss of your mom. May her memory be a blessing.
Second: My youth was spent in suburban Montreal, with my interests lying downtown. My walks at that point, though free of the buggered up knees I have now, were never that great. They were a means to an end, and seemed endless. (-30C walk home after the busses had stopped was never not crap)
The walks of my now, or of the last 20 or 30 years, are way better. I'm either with my wife, or thinking about how she'd think such and such was cool, if I'm not. We wander alleys near our house, we've hiked in the US, Canada and NZ. The hiking trips aren't always the easiest, but they give you great rewards. But, honestly, the best walks are when we go out the front door (which we do most Sunday's) and sort of go "east? West? Where we going?" and then wander off talking about nothing much, stopping for coffee or to look at a record or book shop. The days where we're both sad to go home, back to dishes and chores, those are the very best walks.
We lived in Nashville in our 20's from 2005-2008 right before everything got expensive and shiny and you could still pay a $5 cover to see a band in a one room bar that would be doing stadium tours a year later. We lived in communal housing with the people two decades later we consider our best friends. But my first reaction to this question was "now." I'm 42 and settled into a life that while not perfect is one of my own crafting--my partner and I both agree we live a life far better than the wildest imaginations of those two 20 year olds in Nashville working and going to grad school by day and going to to see bands by night. Our friends we met in that era have mellowed into the kind of deep friendships I could only dream of back then.
As far as adventuring in my youth, I was a reading quiet kid so limited adventures. However, I have really fond memories of visits to my aunt's lake house in Michigan (not THE Lake Michigan). It was a great time with my family and groups of cousins. It felt like a hidden secret that nobody else knew about. I haven't been back in years but it it still one of my favorite places.
While there have definitely been fun times in many cities with hilarious friends, I firmly believe that my best times lay ahead. Onward. 🥂
I've never had any period in my life that felt idyllic. But I have had experiences that I'd never trade, even though they had their difficult moments. The big wilderness trips I took as a teenager-- hiking the AT, canoeing on the Shenandoah and New Rivers. The semester I spent abroad in Kenya, and all of the side trips I did there. My twenties in the mid-90s in Seattle. But I have to say, I'm very fond of now. Not because my life is trouble-free, but because I feel like it finally is one I chose genuinely and not one I'm living in response to other people's needs or ideas of who I am.
I spent a semester in Manhattan in spring 2002, and I have to say, it was the perfect place for me to be at that point in my life. In retrospect I can see that I was a bit of an idiot at times, but aren't all 20 year olds? Still, I had so much freedom, I walked everywhere, mastered the subway, saw tons of museums, ate great food, made good friends.
But honestly, I'm pretty happy with my life right now too, at 43. I'm not as thin, bit more cautious. I have more money and a bit less free time. I have a wonderful husband, a fantastic dog, awesome friends, a house in the suburbs and a solid job. This is good too, for who I am now.
Also, Isaac, I somehow read right over the news of your mother's death in the previous piece - I'm so sorry about that. May her memory be a blessing.
My late 20s in 2010-11, living in Brooklyn, seeing live music more nights than not, working in book publishing, etc. SO true that whenever I start thinking "I miss New York City," I realize it's only partly the location & at least 50% about missing that chapter of my life!
My favorite time was raising my babies to responsible adults, but the nursing times and first tooth, the first step or smile. I have 7 grandchildren but I’m still suffering empty nest from my 3 children growing up and leaving for college.
I've had so many "best" times of my life it's difficult to choose, but I'd say the top three are:
3) My first couple of years living abroad in Oxford, England studying my A-Levels as a Thai government scholar. I was full of ignorance and optimism, and life was just perfect in the eyes of 18-year-old me.
2) My carefree childhood where my only concerns in life were what movie to watch with dad next from his vast DVD collection and how to hide from mom the fact that I'd been cheating for my English practice by copying the answers from the back of exercise books rather than doing them.
1) Now. I love love love my life now. Dream partner. Dream job. Dream life. I couldn't have imagined any of this six years ago. The only part of it I don't wish for is my dad's terminal cancer. But even there I'm grateful to still have him after three years and see him at peace with his condition.
First: I'm so sorry about the loss of your mom. May her memory be a blessing.
Second: My youth was spent in suburban Montreal, with my interests lying downtown. My walks at that point, though free of the buggered up knees I have now, were never that great. They were a means to an end, and seemed endless. (-30C walk home after the busses had stopped was never not crap)
The walks of my now, or of the last 20 or 30 years, are way better. I'm either with my wife, or thinking about how she'd think such and such was cool, if I'm not. We wander alleys near our house, we've hiked in the US, Canada and NZ. The hiking trips aren't always the easiest, but they give you great rewards. But, honestly, the best walks are when we go out the front door (which we do most Sunday's) and sort of go "east? West? Where we going?" and then wander off talking about nothing much, stopping for coffee or to look at a record or book shop. The days where we're both sad to go home, back to dishes and chores, those are the very best walks.
We lived in Nashville in our 20's from 2005-2008 right before everything got expensive and shiny and you could still pay a $5 cover to see a band in a one room bar that would be doing stadium tours a year later. We lived in communal housing with the people two decades later we consider our best friends. But my first reaction to this question was "now." I'm 42 and settled into a life that while not perfect is one of my own crafting--my partner and I both agree we live a life far better than the wildest imaginations of those two 20 year olds in Nashville working and going to grad school by day and going to to see bands by night. Our friends we met in that era have mellowed into the kind of deep friendships I could only dream of back then.
So sorry to hear about your loss.
As far as adventuring in my youth, I was a reading quiet kid so limited adventures. However, I have really fond memories of visits to my aunt's lake house in Michigan (not THE Lake Michigan). It was a great time with my family and groups of cousins. It felt like a hidden secret that nobody else knew about. I haven't been back in years but it it still one of my favorite places.